“I wanna be where You are…” Even though this is a Gavin DeGraw song, I feel like it is a pretty accurate description of where I want to be at the moment (and from now on).
I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to class today… But that doesn’t matter right now. 🙂 I started off my day with my usual cup of coffee and bowl of oatmeal, and I am feeling surprisingly good this morning! Yesterday was amazing. I was able to draw so near to the Lord; I actually spent a lot of time studying the Word and soaking in God’s presence. It was amazing how I was able to focus on things other than food for once.
My theme verse for the day was Psalm 46:10, which says “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.” Such powerful words! Be STILL. That is something that I never do. My mind is constantly racing with some kind of anxious thought(s); I get so easily distracted from the true meaning of life. I put so many things above leading a life that exemplifies and glorifies God, and reading and studying that verse yesterday was like a slap in the face. I was sitting in Panera Bread, sipping my coffee, and for some reason felt overwhelmingly led to this passage of scripture. It started off as a mental repetition of the lyrics from Hillsong Live’s “Still,” which say “I will be still and know that You are God.” I came across some commentary on the verse, and something that stood out to me was this: We surrender “in order to objectively know the saving power of God in our lives.” There is so much truth in that statement. I must surrender. I can’t allow myself to remain trapped by the bounds of this eating disorder. My food rules, my obsessive calorie counting, my fixation on eating healthily, the list goes on… I was putting all of these things above the Lord in my life. They had become my idols. But I know that the only way to be truly content in life is to place God as our one and ONLY idol. I received a verse from FINDINGbalance in an email this morning: “Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired… is the [one] who lives in the Fear of God.” (Prov. 31:30 MSG) This challenged me to find my beauty in God. To fixate my thoughts on being a reflection of Him, rather than making a better reflection of myself. I will find beauty in Him, because I was made in His image. And he is PERFECT.