Oh, Hey, Insomnia

I can’t sleepppppppp. My mind is being pulled in all sorts of directions right now. Probably because I just went back and read through a bunch of my old journal entries. It really is amazing to see how my life has been changing in just the past couple years. But it’s also interesting to see the ways it hasn’t changed. I look back and see all of the ups and downs I’ve had with health, friendships, and relationships… It’s surprising.
What I find especially interesting, though, is how my relationship with a particular guy (I’ll call him Guy again) that I’ve written about before. I’ve had relationship issues with him literally for as long as I can remember. I mean, we started dating when I was a freshman in HIGH SCHOOL. So, as I was reading over my old journals, I noticed how much Guy has impacted me over over the years. I feel like “impact” isn’t a strong enough words to describe the emotional turmoil, longing, resentment, joy, sadness, hope, confusion, contentment, and uneasiness the relationship brought me. It was a part of me. It still is a part of me… And it’s a part of my that I’m having the hardest time letting go.
Surrender.
That’s my word right now. I have to learn how to surrender my life over to God. There is no way that I can possibly bear this burden on my own.
I can’t do it alone.
And I won’t.
Because God promises to uphold me with His righteous right hand.
Glory be to God, for He is good.
His mercy endures forever.

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