My Special Day

What a dreary day.  It’s super early, and I’m sitting in my bed listening to the rain hit my window.  BUT, today is a special day for me…

It’s my one year recovery anniversary!

I have mixed feelings about it, though.  A part of me is trying to be happy about it, another is honestly upset that I’ve gained so much weight back, and another just wants to cry – from gratitude, freedom, love.  I can’t express how grateful I am for the love and support my family and close friends have shown me throughout this past year.  There have been many ups and downs, but their concern for my health and wellbeing has brought me to tears.  God has truly blessed me by surrounding me with people who deeply care for me, and I am overwhelmed by His unending love for me.  I have come such a long way from where I was a year ago.  I mean, I was afraid to eat almost anything…  I was miserable, I was alone, and I didn’t know what to do.  I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know where to begin when it came to doing something about it.  That’s why I’m so thankful that my parents stepped in; they scheduled me a doctor’s appointment without me knowing, and my life was forever changed.  It’s because of them, my best friend, and her family that I can say that I have my life back.  God has led us through this valley – I’ve hit lows I never thought possible – but here I am today.  I’m not perfect (not even close), but I can say with confidence that I am happy.  And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

“Set your minds…

“Set your minds on what is above, not on what is on the earth.” (Colossians 3:2 HCSB)

Breakfast was ok.

Lunch was another story.

I was having such a hard time not reaching for something else…  I was on my way back into the kitchen (mostly because my phone was still sitting by my coffee maker), and I physically had to redirect myself into my room to grab my bible.  I sat on my bed, opened it up to a random page and began reading.  It was in Ezekiel, I think, and it had to do with prophesying to a prince…  But as I sat there, I couldn’t concentrate on what I was reading.  My thoughts were elsewhere, and I began to pray and cry out to God.  Yes, sitting on my bed, I was basically shouting and asking God for peace.  I needed to have my thoughts redirected.  That is when Colossians 3:2 came into my mind: “Set your minds on what is above, not on what is on the earth.”  That is what I have to constantly remind myself to do.  I get so easily caught up in my temptations to gorge myself or restrict until I feel weak; I forget how to let go and allow God to take control!

On a lighter note, though:  IT’S SNOWING, Y’ALL!!!  And we are out of class both today and tomorrow.  There is going to be so much Netflix watching/book reading/coffee drinking; it’s going to be great. 🙂 And you better believe that I have been singing Frozen alllll day.

Lord, thank You for speaking to me in miraculous ways recently.  I love drawing nearer to You and having a thirst for You.  Please continue to fill me with Your spirit, and guide me as I walk (and occasionally run) through life.  Heavenly Father, I thank You for giving me worth, for making Your presence known in my life, for healing me, and most of all for loving me like no other.  I cherish the grace You continuously show me every single day.  Give me the strength and courage I need to listen to Your words of direction and to be confident in the decisions I make.  Jesus, I thank You for loving me enough to humble Yourself, for becoming a sacrifice for MY sake, for overcoming the grave to sit at the right hand of Your Father in Heaven, and allowing me to have a relationship with You no matter how messed up I am.  I am enough because You were enough. ❤ Father, I pray these things in order to bring glory to Your name, Amen.