I just love this song. Even though it doesn’t really have anything to do with what I’ll be writing about. 😉
What I do want to write about, though, is how these past couple weeks have been. Gosh, it’s been intense. So many ups and quite a few downs. But great, nonetheless. 🙂
I really should be writing more… Well, I guess I technically am writing a lot; I just never post what I write because it’s all things that my therapist wants me to write about. And sometimes that is a little more personal than I would like to share with the world right now, ha ha. I do plan on sharing a few at some point, though.
Ok, so back to the point: treatment. It’s finally sinking in. I am in a treatment center to help me in recovery of my eating disorder. And to be honest, it is one of the best decisions I have ever made. Not only am I making steps towards recovery every day, I am learning more about myself and have made the most amazing friends. Gosh, I can’t even describe how wonderful these people are – the staff and fellow clients. I’ve begun to feel closer to them than I have recently felt towards some of my oldest friends and even family. It’s just so easy to be real – to be me – while I’m here because there’s no reason to have any guard up. I mean, we all know each other’s deepest secrets. It’s incredible, really. And so refreshing after hiding behind my problems for so long…
Every day, I am challenged to dig deeper into my conscious in order to find out what it is I am trying to cover up with my eating disorder. Anxiety? Depression? Guilt? Pain? It’s all there, but at this point I can’t distinguish one from another. I am wrestling with my inner being in an attempt to break down the wall I have been working my whole life to build up. The wall that keeps me from my deepest pain. But I am convinced that until I get to the root of the darkness trapped within my eating disorder, I won’t be able to overcome it.
Heavenly Father, hear my cry tonight. Help me. Save me. Give me the desire, courage, and strength I need to overcome this battle. Lord, I know that with Your mighty power within me, all things are possible. Only You can save me, and I praise You for loving me enough to do that. I am so deserving of all of the suffering I have ever gone through and more, but Your perfect love, grace, and mercy have rescued me from it all and always will. Thank You for the blessings You have so willingly given me. Please, God, forgive me of the ways I have failed You. You know all of my faults and impurities. You know my desires and my needs. May Your will be done in all things, and may I praise You through it all. Father, I pray all of these things for the glory of Your precious name, Amen.