I have no answers.
I know where to find them… I know where to look.
But why am I holding back?
Why am I weak?
Because I am human.
Yes, I understand that no one leads a flawless life – especially me. The only thing perfect in me is my God – my Rock and my Redeemer. Anything and everything good in me comes from Him alone. Because of His all-encompassing grace and mercy, He allows me to start over with a clean slate every single day. Oh, how great is His love for us! As I write this, I am reminded of God’s incomprehensible goodness, and I begin to question the reason behind my worrying rather than the worry in itself.
He is where I find my answers.
“Keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who searches finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7, 8 HCSB)
Spoken from the embodiment of perfection, Himself.
“I wanna be where You are…” Even though this is a Gavin DeGraw song, I feel like it is a pretty accurate description of where I want to be at the moment (and from now on).
I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to class today… But that doesn’t matter right now. 🙂 I started off my day with my usual cup of coffee and bowl of oatmeal, and I am feeling surprisingly good this morning! Yesterday was amazing. I was able to draw so near to the Lord; I actually spent a lot of time studying the Word and soaking in God’s presence. It was amazing how I was able to focus on things other than food for once.
My theme verse for the day was Psalm 46:10, which says “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.” Such powerful words! Be STILL. That is something that I never do. My mind is constantly racing with some kind of anxious thought(s); I get so easily distracted from the true meaning of life. I put so many things above leading a life that exemplifies and glorifies God, and reading and studying that verse yesterday was like a slap in the face. I was sitting in Panera Bread, sipping my coffee, and for some reason felt overwhelmingly led to this passage of scripture. It started off as a mental repetition of the lyrics from Hillsong Live’s “Still,” which say “I will be still and know that You are God.” I came across some commentary on the verse, and something that stood out to me was this: We surrender “in order to objectively know the saving power of God in our lives.” There is so much truth in that statement. I must surrender. I can’t allow myself to remain trapped by the bounds of this eating disorder. My food rules, my obsessive calorie counting, my fixation on eating healthily, the list goes on… I was putting all of these things above the Lord in my life. They had become my idols. But I know that the only way to be truly content in life is to place God as our one and ONLY idol. I received a verse from FINDINGbalance in an email this morning: “Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired… is the [one] who lives in the Fear of God.” (Prov. 31:30 MSG) This challenged me to find my beauty in God. To fixate my thoughts on being a reflection of Him, rather than making a better reflection of myself. I will find beauty in Him, because I was made in His image. And he is PERFECT.