Things are better; they’re getting easier. I’m trying to look to different things to distract myself, like playing my guitar and spending time with friends. It doesn’t take it away, though. I pray every day that God will take away the pain, and I know that He has answered my prayer – it’s just going to be a slow process. It’s almost like I’m grieving the loss of the relationship I had – I was pretty attached to it, after all. But, despite all of the emotions that I’ve been dealing with, this week has been surprisingly good. One of my friends asked me to go to formal with him (woohoo!!), and the Lord has been faithful in blessing me with good appointments with my treatment team this week. I saw my nutritionist on Wednesday afternoon, and after expressing how badly I feel like I’ve been doing she told me how my weight has been very stable since August, and I was actually down a little from my last appointment. Praise God!! Not because I lost weight, but for answering my prayers to make progress in my recovery. Before hearing what my nutritionist had to say about it, I felt like I had been overeating (even though I felt like I was actually giving myself what I wanted), so to know that I have actually been maintaining my weight is amazing. Maybe I have been doing things right after all. 🙂
Church on Wednesday night was really great, too. My college minister started a study that we’ll being doing through the end of the school year, and it’s focusing on prayers throughout the Bible. He started us off with a prayer from Jeremiah 32, and I thought it was an interesting decision. In the prayer, Jeremiah isn’t really asking God for anything or praying one of those “sun stand still” prayers that we have been emphasizing all year. It was just a simple conversation – recognizing God’s goodness, faithfulness, and power. Jeremiah was in prison at the time because of the prophesies he had interpreted from the Lord about Israel’s destruction. Although annihilation was imminent, Jeremiah obeyed the Lord’s command to purchase a plot of land in Israel, and he made sure everyone knew about it! Jeremiah knew that God would be faithful and return the land of milk and honey to His people. So, Jeremiah’s prayer was focused towards God’s goodness to His people, His unwavering faithfulness, and His mighty power over everything – nothing is too great for Him.
Studying that passage convicted me, because I haven’t been trying to see God’s perfect will behind all of the pain I’ve been going through. I don’t understand why I’m going through this trying time (much like Jeremiah didn’t understand why God wanted him to buy that land), but I know that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me. God’s word says that all things work for the good of those who love Him and that I have been created for God’s glory.
Hallelujah! Through my suffering, may God be praised and glorified!
Father, I pray that not my will but Yours be done. Amen. ❤