Oh, Great is Our God!

Things are better; they’re getting easier.  I’m trying to look to different things to distract myself, like playing my guitar and spending time with friends.  It doesn’t take it away, though.  I pray every day that God will take away the pain, and I know that He has answered my prayer – it’s just going to be a slow process.  It’s almost like I’m grieving the loss of the relationship I had – I was pretty attached to it, after all.  But, despite all of the emotions that I’ve been dealing with, this week has been surprisingly good.  One of my friends asked me to go to formal with him (woohoo!!), and the Lord has been faithful in blessing me with good appointments with my treatment team this week.  I saw my nutritionist on Wednesday afternoon, and after expressing how badly I feel like I’ve been doing she told me how my weight has been very stable since August, and I was actually down a little from my last appointment.  Praise God!!  Not because I lost weight, but for answering my prayers to make progress in my recovery.  Before hearing what my nutritionist had to say about it, I felt like I had been overeating (even though I felt like I was actually giving myself what I wanted), so to know that I have actually been maintaining my weight is amazing.  Maybe I have been doing things right after all. 🙂

Church on Wednesday night was really great, too.  My college minister started a study that we’ll being doing through the end of the school year, and it’s focusing on prayers throughout the Bible.  He started us off with a prayer from Jeremiah 32, and I thought it was an interesting decision.  In the prayer, Jeremiah isn’t really asking God for anything or praying one of those “sun stand still” prayers that we have been emphasizing all year.  It was just a simple conversation – recognizing God’s goodness, faithfulness, and power.  Jeremiah was in prison at the time because of the prophesies he had interpreted from the Lord about Israel’s destruction.  Although annihilation was imminent, Jeremiah obeyed the Lord’s command to purchase a plot of land in Israel, and he made sure everyone knew about it!  Jeremiah knew that God would be faithful and return the land of milk and honey to His people.  So, Jeremiah’s prayer was focused towards God’s goodness to His people, His unwavering faithfulness, and His mighty power over everything – nothing is too great for Him.

Studying that passage convicted me, because I haven’t been trying to see God’s perfect will behind all of the pain I’ve been going through.  I don’t understand why I’m going through this trying time (much like Jeremiah didn’t understand why God wanted him to buy that land), but I know that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me.  God’s word says that all things work for the good of those who love Him and that I have been created for God’s glory.

Hallelujah!  Through my suffering, may God be praised and glorified!

Father, I pray that not my will but Yours be done.  Amen. ❤

Religion says DO; Jesus says DONE

I love this video so much.  It so easy for us, as Christians, to get caught up in the legalities of religion.  I know I often make decisions or act on what I think is “right” instead of taking a step back and asking God for guidance.  I forget that, in the light of God’s grace and mercy, no matter what or how many “good” things I do, I will never be deserving of the gift He has given me in eternal life.  BUT, there is also no amount of “wrong” things I can (and will) do to separate me from His love.

Ok, confession time…  Lately, I have been struggling to find my passion and inspiration for writing, which is strange because I have never really had a problem with it.  I find myself feeling flat and, frankly, apathetic.  But I think it may be from the stress of this semester; it’s finally made me kind of numb to everything.  I tend to block things out rather than confront them, and I get so wrapped up in worrying about things that I never get around to accomplishing anything!  I think it might be a procrastination mechanism, to be honest.  But I have recently had a wake up call.  After making a couple of bad (and when I say bad, I mean the worst I have ever received) grades on assignments this past week, I know that I can’t keep running.  I can’t keep hiding.  I have to face reality with confidence, for I have not received a spirit of fear but one of POWER (2 Tim. 1:7).  But it’s not just from school that I hide myself.  It’s life in general.  My recovery, anxiety, guilt, the list goes on…  Sometimes I feel that I have messed up so much already, that there is no turning back.  But that is not who I am!  I am filled with the joy that comes only from my Heavenly Father.  His love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18); it is perfect, infinite, and unwavering.

“When the disciples heard this, they were utterly astonished and asked, “Then who can be saved?”  But Jesus looked at them and said, “With men this is impossible,

but with God all things are possible.”

Matthew 19:25-26 HCSB

Praise the Lord for His grace and mercy.  I am so unworthy; yet, He loved me enough to send His SON as a sacrifice for my sins.  Jesus took on the weight of my transgressions, bore them on the cross, was separated from His own Father, laid in a tomb, but ROSE AGAIN.  He DEFEATED death.  For me.  For YOU!  That’s why there is nothing that we can DO that will earn us salvation.  God has given it to us freely; all we have to do is reach out and take it. ❤