What a dreary day. It’s super early, and I’m sitting in my bed listening to the rain hit my window. BUT, today is a special day for me…
It’s my one year recovery anniversary!
I have mixed feelings about it, though. A part of me is trying to be happy about it, another is honestly upset that I’ve gained so much weight back, and another just wants to cry – from gratitude, freedom, love. I can’t express how grateful I am for the love and support my family and close friends have shown me throughout this past year. There have been many ups and downs, but their concern for my health and wellbeing has brought me to tears. God has truly blessed me by surrounding me with people who deeply care for me, and I am overwhelmed by His unending love for me. I have come such a long way from where I was a year ago. I mean, I was afraid to eat almost anything… I was miserable, I was alone, and I didn’t know what to do. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know where to begin when it came to doing something about it. That’s why I’m so thankful that my parents stepped in; they scheduled me a doctor’s appointment without me knowing, and my life was forever changed. It’s because of them, my best friend, and her family that I can say that I have my life back. God has led us through this valley – I’ve hit lows I never thought possible – but here I am today. I’m not perfect (not even close), but I can say with confidence that I am happy. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry for help. The face of the Lord is set against those who do what is evil, to erase all memory of them from the earth. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit. Many adversities come to the one who is righteous, but the Lord delivers him from them all. He protects all his bones; not one of them is broken.”
(Psalms 34:15-20 HCSB)
Lamentations 3:22-23 (HCSB): “Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!”
There are many reasons I love this passage of scripture, and today, it has given me the strength I need to persevere. As I study these verses, I am reminded of the importance not only of mourning over our sin but of asking the Lord for His forgiveness when we fail Him.
There is nothing I can do about my past, and I must embrace the PRESENT. Time to put any shame, guilt, or hopelessness I have behind me and look towards the everlasting mercy I have in my Savior, Jesus Christ.
We are washed clean of our sins daily and must press on knowing that He will love us no matter how filthy and broken we are. That does not grant us permission to lead a life that is constantly going astray; but it gives us encouragement that when we do make a wrong turn, God will direct us back onto the straight and narrow.
“He has rescued us from the domain of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of the Son He loves. We have redemption, the forgiveness of sins, in Him.” (Colossians 1:13-14 HCSB)
That word means so much and is so powerful to me. I am starting this blog to share the way in which the Lord has delivered (and is currently delivering) me through the recovery from an eating disorder. I am a little nervous as I begin this new hobby, so please bear with me as I adjust. I keep a daily journal and thought this would be similar. But I am honestly quite intimidated as I look at this screen. I’m finally putting myself out there – exposing my feelings and struggles for whomever cares to see.
Today, I am really needing God’s strength to uphold me. I definitely have a lot on my mind. But in all circumstances, I know that whatever path He leads me to take is ultimately for my good and for His glory.
Heavenly Father, thank You for all that You have done in my life. Thank You for RESCUING me – for being here when I felt alone. Lord, I am Yours alone. Work through me. Speak through me. Help me to lead others to You. Give me the courage I need to do Your work and trust in Your ways. In your name and for Your glory I pray these things, Amen. ❤