Gavin DeGraw – Where You Are (Sweeter)

“I wanna be where You are…” Even though this is a Gavin DeGraw song, I feel like it is a pretty accurate description of where I want to be at the moment (and from now on).
I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to class today… But that doesn’t matter right now. 🙂 I started off my day with my usual cup of coffee and bowl of oatmeal, and I am feeling surprisingly good this morning! Yesterday was amazing. I was able to draw so near to the Lord; I actually spent a lot of time studying the Word and soaking in God’s presence. It was amazing how I was able to focus on things other than food for once.
My theme verse for the day was Psalm 46:10, which says “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.” Such powerful words! Be STILL. That is something that I never do. My mind is constantly racing with some kind of anxious thought(s); I get so easily distracted from the true meaning of life. I put so many things above leading a life that exemplifies and glorifies God, and reading and studying that verse yesterday was like a slap in the face. I was sitting in Panera Bread, sipping my coffee, and for some reason felt overwhelmingly led to this passage of scripture. It started off as a mental repetition of the lyrics from Hillsong Live’s “Still,” which say “I will be still and know that You are God.” I came across some commentary on the verse, and something that stood out to me was this: We surrender “in order to objectively know the saving power of God in our lives.” There is so much truth in that statement. I must surrender. I can’t allow myself to remain trapped by the bounds of this eating disorder. My food rules, my obsessive calorie counting, my fixation on eating healthily, the list goes on… I was putting all of these things above the Lord in my life. They had become my idols. But I know that the only way to be truly content in life is to place God as our one and ONLY idol. I received a verse from FINDINGbalance in an email this morning: “Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired… is the [one] who lives in the Fear of God.” (Prov. 31:30 MSG) This challenged me to find my beauty in God. To fixate my thoughts on being a reflection of Him, rather than making a better reflection of myself. I will find beauty in Him, because I was made in His image. And he is PERFECT.

He > I

God is above all.

He is in charge.

He has everything under control.

He gives me worth.

He is my label.

He.  Is.  All.  I.  Need.

I have to keep telling myself these things.  I have been getting so caught up in worldly desires, expectations, treasures…  I keep forgetting where my worth comes from.  It is from the Lord; not what I do, say, or eat.  I have gotten into the habit of finding comfort in things other than God.  Last night was the worst it’s been in a long time.  Let’s just say I more than made up for the breakfast that I skipped in the morning.  I know that binging is a typical part of recovery from an eating disorder, but I never realized how hard it could be to stop.  It’s like I went from one extreme to the other.  I didn’t give my body enough before, and now I’ve turned into a human garbage disposal.  I put so much emphasis on what I eat throughout the day.  When I eat; what I eat; where I eat.

But guess what?!

IT. DOESN’T. MATTER.

It just doesn’t!  And I don’t understand why I have such a hard time wrapping my mind around that sometimes; I am just so easily distracted.  But I know that God WILL provide me with the strength I need to be an overcomer.  All I need to do is surrender…

Lord, please calm my heart.  Clear my mind.  Help me to constantly be reminded of Your goodness and Your incomparable love for me.  And please lead me on the path of Your will for my life.  Heavenly Father, I thank You so much for sending Your precious son, Jesus Christ, to be a sacrifice for MY sins and allowing me to draw near to You.  I know I am so unworthy, but You have given me value.  You bless me with so much every single day, and I pray that You will forgive me of my many sins.  Please be with me as I try to be a light for You and be a conduit of Your love throughout my daily life.  God, I ask all of these things in Your name and for Your glory, Amen. ❤